Applied Romance
by A.P.N.F.W
Summary: Phineas doesn't understand the concept of applied romance; Isabella doesn't appreciate the lack of knowledge. Baljeet doesn't regard himself as feminine; Buford definitely does. (One shot with Phinbella undertones and typical little Bujeet spats)


Dialogue-only writing exercise w/ Phineas and Ferb. This was on my earlier (and accidentally deleted) account—Sooo, if you've already stumbled upon it, I hope the repeated stumbling proves just as enjoyable! Or not. If you didn't/don't enjoy it, I'm totally good with that too. :) ha

Anyway. Long story short, it's up to you to decide who's speaking. Hope you have fun with this! xo

* * *

"Okay, Jeremy. As shown in Exhibit 96, the aforementioned romance techniques should win Candace back in no time."

"Wow. You definitely outdid yourselves—This is awesome. Thing is, it might be _too_ awesome. Too much 'Phineas and Ferb', you know? The last thing Candace needs to realize is that her brothers are helping her boyfriend."

"Yeah, dinnah bell, I'm sidin' with lovah boy. Even Baljeet wouldn't fall for this."

"Excuse me, Buford, but I do not appreciate implications that suggest I am of the female gender."

"Ferb, you agreein' with me or the nerd? … Look, he blinked. Everyone knows that when Ferb blinks, he's agreein' with Buford."

"What?! The observational skills I learned back in India far contradict—"  
"You're a girl."  
"Oh, for the love of—"

"Alright. Well. Speaking as the only legitimate girl in the backyard: Candace will love your plan, Jeremy. Well, so long as she believes it's _your _plan. Mention Phineas' involvement and lose her to busting."

"Isabella's right. The plan is foolproof, if I may be so bold."

"Alright, well, I'm trustin' you guys. Better go employ Phase One—I'll make sure Candace gets the sungrebe."

"Sounds great, Jeremy! I think it's roaming around somewhere in the garage. Just remember to deactivate the wild parsnip button. Y'know… In retrospect, I question why Ferb and I even installed that."

"No prob. Hey, quick summer-break-homework question before I go: Did we just learn pure or applied science?"

"Definitely applied. Ferb and I geared the lesson towards application of knowledge that's useful for a specific purpose. In other words, we're teaching you romance so you can apply it to winning Candace back. Questions?"

"Phineas, I have a question."

"Yes, Isabella?"

"Have you ever considered applying your, ahem, vast knowledge of romance to something—or some_one_—else?"

"Wow. You're right. I… I can't believe I didn't realize that earlier."

"Yeah, neither can _I_. Wait—you…? Ohmigosh."

"The answer's been staring me in the face the entire day. Heck, it even walked into the backyard and greeted me this morning! Was I really that oblivious? Gosh. Jeremy, mark down two of us as romantically enlightened today."

"…"

"Look, I'm with girly, who's obviously havin' some difficulty breathin' ovah there. You messin' with us, dinnah bell?"

"Of course not. Carpe diem applies to romance, too. No reason to waste time with it!"

"Waste time? You have _got _to be kid—Uh, I mean… Absolutely! Having already confirmed my presence as the only girl, I volunteer to educate said male if necessary."

"Oh, now your breathin's back when you get a chance to _educate_ 'im. Heh. Mwah, mwah, mw—"  
"Shut it, Buford."

"Really, Isabella? You would do that? Aw, thanks. I'm sure he'll appreciate you as a teacher."

"Yes, I'm sure _he_ would. Alright, boys! Show's over! Romance lessons are reserved for me and Mr. Flynn over here!"

"Oh, he'll definitely appreciate the privacy. More individualized attention and all."

"Phineas, if I may ask: Why are you consistently referring to yourself in third person? I thought it was only those of a, um, certain intelligence who practiced third person. Buford does, after all."

"Buford says to watch it, girly."

"I am _not_ a… Ugh, may we please just return to 'nerd'?"

"Whoa, guys, slow it down. Buford, our friend here may not be as masculine as they come…"  
"Hey!"  
"…But he's far from feminine. Biologically speaking, at least."  
"Again: _Hey_!"  
"And Baljeet, I don't remember speaking in third person."

"Hmph. Considering you did so not more than thirty seconds ago, I would normally counteract a statement like that. But because you have dismissed Buford's unjust perception of my gender, it is whatever you say."

"So, Phineas. Romance lessons?"

"Right, sorry, Isabella! Let's get started. Want to run over physical affection first? I think my knowledge on kissing needs to be brushed up a bit."

"_Yes_! Yes, I'm sure it absolutely does!"

"Speaking of, I should go find our student. Wouldn't want him to get too absorbed in painting the queen—He may never come outside."

"O…kay. You're already outside, though. And last I checked, you don't spend your time painting royalty. Are we bordering existentialism territory here? Because otherwise, I'm not getting the reference."

"Hold that thought, Isabella. I'm gonna run up in the office to find him."

"What are you talking about, Phineas? You—"

"**HEY, DAD!** Remember when you told Mom that her chartreuse blouse wasn't chartreuse enough? _I can fix that!_"

"…"

"…"

"Yo, girly, pay up. Told ya dinnah bella was talkin' about his dad the whole time."

"I refuse to hand you my five dollar bill until you admit to my masculinity."

"Ugh, alright, _look_.  
Buford? Grab your creepy yet currently convenient life-size mold of me. Set it up under the oak and scatter around some teaching materials. Make it look realistic enough.  
Baljeet? Keep your money and grab Phineas' mold. Try getting the concept of romance through his thick, dense, ridiculously oblivious head, considering it won't be much different from talking to the real Phineas.  
Ferb? Set Jeremy straight.  
Isabella is _out_. Peace."

"…"

"Pssst. Girly. Five more dollahs. Told ya she would leave in a huff while speakin' in third person."

"_Buford_!"

"Ferb? Does, um... does your brother understand the concept of applied romance?"

"To quote Euripedes, 'Silence is true wisdom's best reply.'"

"Got it. So I should probably return the sungrebe to Argentina before it gets to Candace, huh?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Loud and clear. Jeremy's out."

"_FIVE MORE!_"

"_**BUFORD!**_**"**


End file.
